Hope is over the Hill

Sometimes we will date someone that treats us well but then begin to find them boring or the chemistry just isn’t there. But what really may be happening is since you were in a chaotic / dysfunctional relationship before, that missing chaos is translated into “chemistry”.  So you cut this one and move on to another that you find more exciting, except with that excitement comes simliar unhealthy patterns.  Now you’re confused.  Your lenses are foggy.  The key is to know the difference between chemistry and healthy, what you want and what you need.  Chemistry isn’t just a feeling.  It can be earned, cultivated.  But you have to make a choice to put in the work.  This may mean opening your mind, seeing them in a new way, or not comparing the one you’re with to who you were with before.  Ask yourself if you want a relationship or a fling.  One requires total investment - eating vegetables.  The other, solely instinct - candy.  If you’re used to candy, it’s going to be difficult to eat your vegetables.  But just remember, if you don’t eat them, you will probably end up feeling like shit.